Three Conversations.

Conversation One, overheard on the bus:

Girl One:  So the second step is to pick some heroes for yourself, and they’re not supposed to be realistic heroes.  They can be anyone you choose.

Girl Two:  Oh?

Girl One:  So I picked Frederick Douglass, because I really admire him, and the Powerpuff Girls, because they’re awesome.

Girl Two:  Good choices!

Girl One:  Yeah, except the third step is to imagine your heroes having a conversation about you.

Girl Two:  *laughter*

Girl One:  Yeah, so one of my heroes is going to be all, “Emancipation!” and the others are going to be like, “PUPPIES!”

* * * * * * * * *

Conversation Two. “An Altercation I Had With A Drunk,” presented in D&D style.

You are standing on on a street corner under an awning to protect you from the rain.  You recently bid farewell to your adventuring knitting group.  As you wait there, you sense a presence behind you.  A Drunken Creep has walked up to you!  Roll for initiative!

You roll 18!  Drunken Creep rolls 22!  Drunken Creep attacks first!

Drunken Creep uses “Attempted Seduction!”  He rolls a 15 vs Reflex!

“You have the most beautiful butt I’ve ever seen.”

However, his Charisma Modifier is -5 due to his drunkeness and he slurs his words, making his actual attack roll only 10.  10 does not hit your Reflex!  It’s your turn to attack!  You unleash “Furious Guilt!”  You roll a natural 20!  Critical hit!

“What makes you think that’s an appropriate thing to say to me?”

Drunken Creep is stunned by your attack!  He apologizes, twice.  You use “Intimidating Glare!”  You roll a 19 vs Will.  You hit!  Drunken Creep is defeated and walks away in shame.

Out of initiative.

* * * * * * * * *

Third Conversation.  Chris vs. An Aggressive Panhandler.

Chris and I are waiting at a crosswalk for the light to change.   A man walks up to us and asks us if we can spare any change.  We apologize and say no, we don’t have any.  (This is the truth.  We really don’t carry cash, so anyone asking us for spare change is going to be pretty disappointed even if we do pull out our wallets.)  The man starts to walk away, then turns around and snarkily asks, “Well, even if you don’t have any change to spare, can you still give me some?”

Chris retorts, “I don’t have any change.  If I had any, I might have given it to you, but I wouldn’t now because you’re being pretty annoying.”

Then the light changed, and we went on our way.  The moral of the story is that aggressive panhandlers don’t even get hypothetical spare change, so…  Er…  Don’t be an aggressive panhandler, I guess.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>